Fangirls on Sugar
by Rini-chan
Summary: Rowan + Meg + five-plus hours of sugar intake + ticked-off Maia named Evil Mary Sue Author = me and my friend going to Middle-Earth as hyper Mary Sues. A semi-jab at every Mary Sue! Come join the insanity!
1. Chapter 1

Hiya peoples! Yes, the title is a ripoff of Men in Black. Don't ask where this came from. I'll look at you oddly and giggle. Disclaimer at the bottom. 

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Fangirls on Sugar   
Chapter 1: In Which Our Main Characters Are Introduced 

Rowan was bored. Rowan was bored, bored, bored. Rowan was very bored. Did I mention the fact that Rowan was bored? 

Rowan's parents were driving to a science fiction convention. This was just fine and dandy, except for one thing. They were taking her and her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother with them. And it was a six hour car drive. Six hours sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother, with either classic rock or no music at all. Did I mention the fact that her little brother was annoying? 

There were three things making this six hour drive sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother. The first thing was M&Ms. The second thing was M&Ms. Do you know what the third thing was? 

Random Reader: M&Ms? 

Nope! Her best, best, best friend Meg was going to be there. Yay! Meg liked anime. Meg liked video games. Meg liked LoTR. Meg was a rabid Legolas fangirl. But Rowan didn't hold that against her. Meg was her best, best, best friend. Did I mention that they were best friends? 

Random Reader: -_- Yes, you did. 

^_^ Good! For a minute there I thought I'd forgotten. Anyway, Meg was going to be at the science fiction convention. They were going to eat sugar and watch anime and eat sugar and listen to Clam Chowder and eat sugar and run around singing the song that never ends at the top of their lungs and eat sugar and reenact random LoTR scenes and eat sugar and reenact random Harry Potter scenes and eat sugar and reenact random anime scenes and eat sugar and run around singing the coconut song and eat sugar and swim and eat sugar and did I mention that they were going to eat sugar? 

Random Reader: >_ 

^_^ No! Anyway, that was what was making this six hour car ride sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother even vaguely bearable. Rowan was bored. Rowan ate some M&Ms. Rowan was bored. Rowan poked her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother in the arm. Rowan was bored. Rowan ate some more M&Ms. Rowan was bored. Rowan started singing the song that never ends. 

Random Reader: *is mewling* Oh, no... 

Rowan's parents told her to shut up or else. Rowan sulked. Rowan ate some more M&Ms. The car ride finally ended. 

Rowan ran through the spiffy spinny doors and then ran into the lobby and jumped up and down, looking for her best, best, best friend Meg. Little did Rowan realize that she was jumping up and down on top of a run-on sentence, but even if she had known she probably wouldn't have cared; she had left an even larger and smellier one in the car. 

Suddenly she spotted her best, best, best friend Meg. She skipped up to her best, best, best friend Meg and yelled, "Sister! Do you have FEET?!" 

Everyone within twenty feet of those started edging away. 

You have to remember that Rowan had been eating M&Ms for the past three hours. She was very hyper. Meg, her best, best, best friend, had likewise been drinking orange soda and grazing in the con suite for the past three hours. So she was very hyper too. 

That's why her reply was "Sister, do you like CHEESE?" 

Everyone started edging away faster. 

"Yes, sister, I DO like cheese! Tell me, sister, do they have CHEESE in this place?" 

"What a ko-inky-dink that you asked, sister! They have cheese just upstairs, in a crowded room!" 

"Why then, sister, let us go get some CHEESE!" 

Very suddenly there was a clear path some thirty or forty feet wide to the elevators. Absolutely oblivious to this, the two hyper fangirls skipped to the elevators (and since real children don't skip happily to places unless they're on drugs, this proves that sugar is indeed a drug). 

"Behold, sister, a miraculous device! You need but enter this small room, press a button, and you emerge on whatever floor you desire!" That was Meg. 

"Verily, sister, it must be an object of greatest magic! Let us make haste to this crowded room that you say contains CHEESE!" 

And so they did. 

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) 

In the meantime, over in the Undying Lands (or wherever the Maiar lived), a very annoyed Maia by the name of Evil Mary Sue Author stalked to her rooms. She was returning from a meeting of the Maia Organization of Badfic, where she had been outshined by absolutely everyone, even Evil Slash Author. (She hadn't known some of those things were _possible,_ let alone commonly done.) 

_And Crossover had some drivel about Draco having Elvish ancestry, and dear Humor pulled out an absolutely awful parody - something about Center-Earth, I think - and Evil AU had something I don't even want to think about, and what did I bring?_ she thought bitterly. _'Just another typical Mary Sue.' Pfft. They should try finding a non-stereotypical teenager to drop into Middle-Earth._

Sighing despairingly, Evil Mary Sue Author (who will hereforth be referred to as EMSA) sat down at her very ostentatious and unoriginal crystal ball and prepared to scry this world for as long as it took to find a new type of Mary Sue. Or until she got bored. Whichever came first. 

After many long hours of searching (it was actually more like five minutes, but many long hours sounds cooler), she came across our two main characters. Captivated by their antics, she settled down to watch them. 

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Meg and Rowan had visited the con suite and consumed much CHEESE. They had also consumed much SUGAR. (SUGAR, not sugar.) They had gone beyond mere hyper, now; they were high. (See, all you junkies? Sugar and lack of sleep will do the same thing as many odd drugs out there, and they cost a lot less!) 

They had just finished reenacting the scene with Harry and the Basilisk, where Harry (Rowan) had dropped the big heavy sword (pen) and run around screaming his head off, while the Basilisk (Meg) had accidentally impaled itself on the sword (which had convienently been left edge up. Important safety rule, kiddies.) Much more believable than the book; swords are not very light. 

Random HP fan: But it was Gryffindor's sword, it was special- 

Shut up, you. Anyway, our two main characters were now sitting around wondering what scene to reenact now. 

Suddenly Rowan leapt up and said "Mooooo. Moooooo. I am Saruman the White, head of the Istari. I hereby propose that we reenact a meeting of the Istari." 

"Mooooo. Mooooo. I am Gandalf the Grey. I second the proposal that we reenact a meeting of the Istari." 

"Hurry, Gandalf! We must summon the other Istari! I will send for Radagast the Brown and Ragna the Urple." 

"I will bring Manfred the Slightly Ecru." 

"We must also summon Calvin the Baby Blue-" 

"But weren't there...I actually don't remember how many Istari there were." 

"Me neither." 

"In that case, I will also bring Willem the Hot Pink." 

"Don't forget about Nick the Tie-Dyed and Ryan the Camouflaged." 

They looked at each other and giggled maniacally. 

Over in the Undying Lands, EMSA was almost ecstatic. 

Rowan sat down and was throning. "They all file in chanting 'Nine is the number that is fun-" 

"I think they should be chanting 'Moooo. Mooooo.'" 

"I think they should be chanting the Fellowship jingle." 

"I think they should be chanting Moooo." 

"Fellowship jingle." 

"Moooooo." 

"Fellowship jingle." 

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

"Fine, they file in chanting 'Moooooooo. Moooooooo.'" 

"And they sit down in a circle holding hands." 

"With their hands on each others' knees." 

"Shoulders." 

"Deal." 

What happened next will never be known, for over in the Undying Lands EMSA activated the interdimensional impressive-sounding portal thingy and dropped our two main characters into Rivendell (because that's where Mary Sues always appear, and EMSA has no originality), at the beginning of the council, with the three eavesdropping hobbits. 

"You shall be known as...the FANGIRLS ON SUGAR." 

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DUN DUN DUN! 

What will happen next? Will our current protagonists crash the Council with their exceeding oddness? Will Meg glomp Legolas? Is that even a question? Find out next on...THE FREAKY CHANNEL! 

*blink* Oh. Hi. 

Yes, Rowan and Meg are me and my bestest friend. Yes, those are our real names. And yes, I do know that there were five Istari that departed the boat. But remember, they were on a sugar high and very hyper besides. (Rowan and Meg, I mean, not the Istari.) 

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not own the M&M company. I do not own MIB. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own the Fellowship jingle. I do not own the following Istari: Saruman the White, Gandalf the Grey, Radagast the Brown, Manfred the Slightly Ecru, and Ragna the Urple. I do own the Fangirls on Sugar, the Maia Organization of Badfic, and the following Istari: Willem the Hot Pink, Calvin the Baby Blue, Nick the Tie-dyed, and Ryan the Camouflaged. 

And by the way, if you want to know about the Fellowship jingle, go read The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth. Very good fic. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ta-daa! Umm...I did something. I don't remember what. Have some chocolate. *gives you some* 

BTW, a fake dictionary entry for you all to ponder: 

throne: (v.) to act or behave as if one was on a throne; Ronald was throning at the head of the table. 

It's a Miss Cam word. 

I'm not going to apologize for letting this fic molder for so long. I got a combination of mild writer's block and a sudden obsession with Yu-Gi-Oh (which then led to a re-obsession with anime) and various other things. I might start working on this more thoroughly, since I'm more or less stuck on "The Fangirls on Sugar go to Yu-Gi-Oh Land" (yes, there is a sequel to this insanity - in fact, there's even a whole saga...check it out in my bio) until I can get to Saria-chan's house to make transcripts of the episodes because I don't get TV at my house and I only get new episodes because Saia-nee-chan is a wonderful person and she tapes them. *inhale* 

BTW, edited the first chapter. And keep in mind that this *is* a medieval-type society. This chapter is *somewhat* more serious than the previous one. Disclaimer at bottom again. 

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Fangirls on Sugar   
Chapter 2: In Which Our Favorite Fangirls Crash The Council 

Elrond was throning in the middle of a large circle of many elves and dwarves, two humans, and two hobbits. There was a stone pedestal-thingy in the very center of the circle. It was the classic Council scene, created in the epic work of J.R.R Tolkien, recaptured in fanfic after fanfic. 

Had either Rowan or Meg been in any state to appreciate it, they would have been awed at what was happening in front of their very eyes. Mere fangirls, captivated by the tales of adventure related by Tolkien (or in Meg's case, by Orlando Bloom), they had never dreamed of seeing it happen right in front of them. Nothing could have prepared them for the majesty and wonder of it. Nothing, perhaps, except being too sugar-high to care. 

Now that all that profundity is out of the way, let's get on with the fic. 

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old," Elrond declaimed loudly, "you have been summoned-" 

But before he could start his speech, the morning air was split by two resounding "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"s. Two multicolored blurs exploded out of the bushes and impacted with Aragorn and Legolas, resolving into two very oddly dressed teenage girls, who were still emitting ear-piercing shrieks. 

Aragorn and Legolas were both momentarily stunned, so Boromir and some of the elves were forced to pry the two girls off of the two unfortunate ones - no easy task, and one which was looking to require a crowbar. 

"Well, at least they've stopped shrieking. That's something. Right?" The two fangirls had indeed stopped, and were now working on curling up in the two unfortunate's laps, something the aforementioned unfortunates were not in favor of. Not in favor of, as in certain humans shrieking "DEARVALAGETITOFFGETITOFF!" The leech - I mean fangirl - in question, of course, did not in the least intend to let go, so Aragorn might as well have saved his breath and the others' ears. 

Legolas was faring slightly better, even though his leech was somewhat heaver, because he wasn't resisting quite as much. He was still rather shellshocked - and besides, it wasn't an Elf's natural reaction to jump around drawing attention to himself. So he sat frozen in his chair, being slowly squeezed to death, and finally succumbed to irritation and yelled "For the love of whatever Valar is listening, someone get this thrice-damned woman off me!" 

By SHEER COINCIDENCE he happened to yell it at the same time as Aragorn, in a sudden spot of dead silence. 

This had the effect of making both fangirls losen their grip enough in shock for their unfortunate...recipients to escape. 

The two fangirls stumbled back, bumping into each other and giggling slightly, before staring at their lust objects soulfully and trying to burst into tears. The one who had latched onto Legolas succeeded somewhat, but the one who had latched onto Aragorn was succeeding most mightily in giggling and looking like an idiot. Which I suppose you could say she was. 

"Who are you?" Boromir asked, stepping closer in a somewhat hostile manner. 

The fangirls blinked. They exchanged glances. They blinked again. They looked at Boromir. They giggled. 

And then they uttered those fateful words that would spawn a saga of insanity: 

"We're hyper fangirls! How are you today?" 

***** 

The Council looked at the two girls. They were about the same height; the one who had latched onto Aragorn was about an inch shorter than the other girl, with straight, slightly frizzed brown hair almost down to her waist. She was dressed in what someone from their world would recognize as black jeans and a slightly-too-large t-shirt. The other one, who had latched onto Legolas, was slightly taller and had almost aggressively curly brown hair that came just past her shoulders. She was in blue jeans and a turtleneck. 

There was a vacuum-like sound as everyone blinked in unison. Then Frodo whispered to Bilbo, "Have you ever heard of hyper fangirls?" 

"No, I haven't. I don't think it's even a word!" 

"That's exactly what I thought. What do you suppose they are?" 

"They look human enough, but they're dressed so oddly...I can't say, Frodo. I can't say." 

This conversation, though carried out in near-whispers, was nevertheless audible to most of the Council. A similar conversation (though somewhat quieter) was taking place between Merry and Pippin behind the pillars, as this was movieverse. 

Meanwhile, the two girls were looking around. The shorter one suddenly pointed and squealed "Look! It's Agent Elrond!" 

The taller one immediately reacted. "Really? Where? Where?" 

"Right there!" She was pointing at Elrond. 

The Elf in question nodded politely at them. "Yes, I am Elrond. Who are you, and what business have you in Rivendell?" 

(At this point, many LOTR lovers are smacking their heads in anger. I say nothing, but point at EMSA. It's all her fault! Really!) 

"I'm Rowan and this is Meg, and we're hyper fangirls! Hiiii!" the shorter one chirped. 

"They appear to be rather...cheerful creatures," Frodo murmured. 

"Hobbits! EEE! Ka-wai-i!" Rowan bounced over to Frodo. "Heehee! I rhymed!" 

"Elfses! EEE! So elfy!" Meg was going starry-eyed over the delegation from Mirkwood, most of whom were staring at the two girls in the manner of "What the hell is _that?!_" 

"Bilbo, in all of your travels, are you certain that you have never encountered a creature like this?!" Frodo cried, looking up at Rowan in much the same manner and scooting away from her. 

"Very sure, my boy!" Bilbo was much calmer, as she didn't seem to be showing any interest in him. 

"What about you?" one of the Mirkwood elves asked another, _sotto voce_. 

"Their manner seems somewhat familiar, but I don't recall having met one before." 

"Unsettlingly familiar, their manner is! Why, one of them embraced Legolas most unseemingly! Almost squeezed him to a pulp." 

"That's certainly not any sort of familial greeting." 

Around that point, Meg bounced in the direction of the elves, who scattered most amusingly. 

All was chaotic at the Council. The dwarves were watching it with amusement and placing bets with Boromir; Bilbo was trying not to laugh at his nephew; Elrond was just looking at it all as if saying "What the hell?"; and everyone else was avoiding the two fangirls. 

That is, until Elrond finally stood up and bellowed Elvishly, "Stop!" 

Elrond being who he is, this had the effect of everyone freezing in their positions and turning their heads to look at him. 

"_Thank_ you." Elrond pinned the two girls with a piercing stare. "Who are you?" 

"We already told you," Meg said somewhat weakly. "I'm Meg. This is Rowan, my best friend. We've read Lord of the Rings and we love it." 

At the phrase "Lord of the Rings," everyone sat straight up as if electrocuted and stared at them. 

"Minions of Sauron," Aragorn muttered. "Sent to delay us on our decision!" 

Elrond retained his poise, though his stare grew noticeably colder. "What do you mean, you've read the Lord of the Ring? What are you to Sauron?" 

"With all due respect, sir, absolutely nothing," Rowan said meekly. "We've never seen him, except in the movie." 

"Lord of the Rings is a book," Meg said. "A series of books. About the One Ring. And the people gathered here." 

"Where we come from, anyway," Rowan added hastily. 

Silence followed this statement. 

When Elrond spoke his tone was even colder, if that was possible. "What do you know of the One Ring?" 

Both girls cringed. They looked at each other. "E-everything, sir," Rowan whispered. 

"I don't remember some of it, though," Meg whispered. "It's been a while since I've read the books." 

"It's really evil," Rowan supplied. "When Frodo puts it on, he turns invisible. Just the presence of it corrupts those around it. Sauron made it, after learning how to from the elves. I think. It's really powerful. He used it to make a humongous orc army and tried to bring darkness down upon Middle-Earth, way back when." Silence. She gulped and continued. 

"He would have succeeded, but Men and Elves made an alliance - the Last Alliance of Men and Elves. They brought the fight all the way to Mordor. The last battle took place at the foot of Mount Doom. In the middle of the battle, Sauron came out of his big tower and killed the king. The king's son, Isildur, got really angry and hacked Sauron's fingers off - including the one that had the ring on it. Sauron's body immediately died, but he was a Maia. His spirit lived on, and later caused trouble in Mirkwood." 

"Didn't know that," Meg murmured. 

"Isildur took the ring. Elrond urged Isildur to throw it into Mount Doom, the only place it could be destroyed, but the Ring had already gotten to him - he kept the ring. On the way back to Gondor, he was ambushed by some orcs and was killed and fell into the river, where the ring stayed. Several thousand years later, Gollum - then known as Smeagol - found it and killed his brother for it. He used it to spy on his family, and was eventually cast out and branded with the name 'Gollum' for the sound he made in his throat. He wandered for a while and eventually came to inhabit a cave deep in the Misty Mountains, where orcs lived. Several years later, Bilbo and his band of dwarven companions stumbled upon that cave, and Bilbo took possession of the Ring, seemingly by chance." 

More silence. She gulped again. 

"Bilbo eventually came back home, and everything was peaceful for about sixty years, I think. Bilbo adopted Frodo, his nephew, and made him his heir. They had the same birthday, and celebrated together. At Bilbo's one hundred eleventh birthday and Frodo's thirty-third, there was a grand party with much ado, and at the end Bilbo disappeared and slipped off using the Ring, leaving everything to Frodo. Gandalf persuaded him to leave the Ring behind as well, though it was rather close. Gandalf warned Frodo to keep the Ring safe and never put it on, and then departed as well. He spent the next twenty years or so traveling and putting together the story I just told. He also learned from Radagast that the Nine Riders were abroad. He then returned to the Shire and informed Frodo of all this, and told him to go to Bree, where he would meet him. He went to Saruman for counseling, but found that Saruman had turned to Sauron, and was imprisoned on top of Orthanc, Saruman's tower. 

"Meanwhile, Frodo spent several months getting ready to leave quietly and unobtrusively. He enlisted the aid of Sam, Merry, Pippin, and another hobbit who I can't remember the name of. He went to Bree, encountering Black Riders on the way, and found that Gandalf wasn't there. He encountered Aragorn, under the name of Strider-" she pointed to Aragorn- "and they received a letter from Gandalf saying that he was to be trusted. Strider took them to Rivendell, but at Weathertop they were attacked by Riders and Frodo was stabbed by a Morgul-blade. They continued to Rivendell as fast as possible, and were met by Glorfindel along the way. Near the ford, they were ambushed by Riders. Frodo rode Asfaloth to Rivendell, but collapsed just past the ford. He was transported to Rivendell and saved by Lord Elrond on the brink of death. Meanwhile, Radagast had sent the lord of the giant eagles to talk to Gandalf, and he ended up bearing him away - which brings us to the present moment." She gulped and looked around. 

Silence greeted her. 

Finally Elrond shifted. "Your story is inaccurate. Arwen was the one who rode out to Aragorn, and Gandalf sent for Gwaihir himself." 

"But that's not what happened in the book!" Rowan replied indignantly. "I've read it three times, I should know!" 

"Rowan," Meg whispered, "look around you. I think we're movieverse." 

She looked around, finally noticing that Legolas was blond. 

The same phrase came out of their mouths at the same time: 

"Aw, shit. We're Mary Sues." 

* * *

Yes, I know. I'm sorry. No Edward-esque antics this time. Or at least not much. I think it's better than the last chapter, though. (I certainly *hope* it's better than the last chapter...) And yes, as I remember Legolas is described as dark-haired in the books. I have no idea why PJ messed with it. But it's not as bad as sending Haldir and his band of archers to Helm's Deep. That's just completely freaked. 

And by the way, kawaii means cute. In Japanese. That's more or less the only word of Japanese Rowan (as portrayed in this fic) knows, so don't worry. 

Next chapter continues with the Council and may start on the journey. 'Pends. You will likely get more hyperness. I have absolutely no clue when it'll be done, though. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not own any of the associated characters. I own Meg and Rowan as portrayed in this fic, but I do *not* own the idea of hyper-fangirl-Mary Sues. If you want to use anything, just ask. I will likely say yes. I will almost certainly be very flattered. 

*resists urge to yell "Ja ne minna-san!" at everyone* 


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